


Candy Heart

by Mistory



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, M/M, missed the deadline, was for Valentine's 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 14:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9765491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistory/pseuds/Mistory
Summary: Cheadle needs a date to show up Pariston in Piyon's Valentine's Day dance. When the Zoldycks fail her, she has to turn to a certain clowny gentleman.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DungeonInspector](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DungeonInspector/gifts).



Her office was in disarray.

Cheadle’s sweat dripped into her bangs as she tore through her desk, flinging papers this way and that. Later, _much later,_ she would put everything into order and be that role model leader that everyone could depend on.

But for now: panic.

Several pens clattered to the floor as she knocked over the pen stand. “Shit,” she muttered, before physically moving her head away from the damage. She was going to make herself _pay._

A small business card floated down the side of her desk, but she quickly snatched it up and gave a huge sigh of relief.

“‘Illumi Zoldyck,’” she read. “You will be my knight in shining armor.”

*

Being a Zodiac didn’t necessarily mean that her pay was incredible. Leorio Paradinight made much more than she did as both a Zodiac _and_ a doctor. In fact, most of the other Zodiacs had menial side jobs that catered to their tastes, such as Cluck with her swimsuit modeling and Botobai with his wrestling coaching.

But Cheadle didn’t care if the pay was shit; she only needed enough to live. And to buy cute dresses. But those were just random splurges that were few and far between.

So she was absolutely _sure_ that she could afford a Zoldyck for one night. And it wasn’t like she was asking any favors, right? Nope, no bedroom shenanigans for Cheadle; it was a strictly platonic, business exchange.

“Wait, _what?”_ she nearly shrieked.

The voice on the other end was dull, as if he’d only said this a million times. “I’m sorry, but your account only has a third of what I require to be your date,” Illumi said calmly. “The Zoldyck family does provide loans, but if the payment is overdue it could be…problematic.”

“No, no, I’m not going to take a loan,” Cheadle seethed. “But just _how_ did you get my account information?”

Though his voice didn’t change from its usual monotony, she could tell Illumi was amused. “I wouldn’t rely on ‘Ikalgo Banks’ for security,” he murmured. “Then again, we can still see the money you have at your old bank. Oh, and it’s still not enough.”

Cheadle frowned. The only reason she’d switched to Ikalgo’s was because having Pariston know what bank she used gave her the creeps. And ever since he’d quit the Zodiacs, she’d been itching to find a lesser known, yet reliable bank to stuff her spending money.

If the Zoldycks could find out how much she had, then there wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that Pariston was at least two steps ahead of them. At least, if he cared to be.

 _Which he certainly does, that jackass,_ Cheadle thought viciously as she hung up the phone. Tears jerked in her eyes, but they weren’t from sadness.

No, these tears were from pure, unadulterated _fury._

Slumping back in her chair, she flicked open the pink, candy-scented invitation from Piyon. A hologram appeared and gradually solidified into Piyon’s features, so real that Cheadle could practically feel the weight of a tiny Piyon in her hand.

“Helloooo cuties!” mini-Piyon greeted. “It’s that time of year again! Youuuu guessed it; Valentine’s Day!” She winked and wiggled her butt to emphasize her “tail.” Cheadle wanted to roll her eyes, but she was too frazzled to even consider it.

“So to celebrate our loooove~, Marmy and I are holding a party, and EVERYONE’S invited!”

The mini-Piyon brought in a haggard-looking man with a pleasant, tired smile. He seemed rather young, but next to Piyon his stooped posture and weak stance made him look like an old man.

Cheadle let out an angry huff through her nose and slapped the invitation close. The rest of the hologram was disgusting kissy-faces and peace signs, and she had bigger things weighing on her mind.

Because since Piyon said “everyone,” there was no doubt who would invite himself to the party.

 _“Pariston,”_ Cheadle sneered, wishing she had a picture of him to tear up. Piyon had made it quite clear that the invitation was only to specific guests, and that it wouldn’t even generate if the specific _Nen_ wasn’t used, but Cheadle didn’t care about the mechanics.

She just _knew_ Pariston. _Everyone_ knew Pariston, and there was no way _in hell_ he’d miss this chance to avoid being a troll.

The worst part was that it was a Valentine’s day party, which meant that everyone was supposed to bring…dates.

And therein lay the problem, because Cheadle was married to her profession. But people never understood that, and took it to mean that she was too lazy/busy/scared to just…get a man.

(Never mind if all of it was true. In the end, it was _no one’s fucking business)._

Geru never had a man hanging off of her, and it was doubtful that she’d even bring a date to Piyon’s party. In fact, she’d been known to specifically _not_ have a date for Valentine’s Day, even breaking it off with her boyfriends on the day specifically to get back with them the day after.

But, frankly, Cheadle _wasn’t Geru._ It wasn’t that she didn’t _want_ someone or anything, it was that she just… _couldn’t._ And if she showed up single to Piyon’s dance, or even if she didn’t show up at all, it’d be a grand showcase of her humiliation.

“Shoot,” she whispered as tears brimmed from her eyes. “Ah, shit. Okay, realizing you have a problem is the first step in finding a solution. Yorkshire, you found the hole, now patch it up.”

“Mm, my Bungee Gum can help with that ♣.”

Cheadle shrieked. Literally. And she nearly slipped on a pile of papers when the mysterious man sped forward and caught her by the waist.

“Such a gentleman ♠,” he crooned, and Cheadle only stared in terror as his smile grew lecherous. “Ah, to have one of the Zodiacs so helpless in my grasp ♦.”

Cheadle cursed herself for not being vigilant, but despite her earlier freak-out, she remained calm.

“Thank you for catching me,” she said politely. _Even though we both know that I could’ve caught my own damn self._

“Ah, what a lady ♠!”

He abruptly stood her on her two feet and extended a hand with a wide, plastic grin. “Hisoka Morow. Spider exterminator extraordinaire, qualified Hunter.”

The man’s smile was hiding something. And it wasn’t something like a tragic backstory or a sweet surprise. It felt like Pariston’s smile; like there was a joke that she just didn’t know about.

Cheadle’s eyes narrowed a fraction and Hisoka’s grin grew an equal fraction. But she knew better than to just ignore him.

“Cheadle Yorkshire,” she recited evenly. Her hand reached out and met Hisoka’s in a firm shake. “What brings you here, Hisoka?”

Her compliance clearly surprised Hisoka in a way it would never have surprised Pariston. Cheadle thought that she could like him already. “Aren’t you afraid, pet ♠?” Hisoka asked sweetly. Cheadle predictably bristled at being called a “pet,” but calmed herself down with some inward counting.

“Hunters aren’t Hunters if they’re afraid of something new,” she said patiently. This Hisoka person, his _Nen_ was incredibly powerful. He already knew everything he needed to know, so Cheadle found that there was nothing that she could offer him.

“Something new, mm? How ‘bout a date ♣?” Hisoka said huskily, reaching out to her hair. Cheadle immediately batted his hand away and shot him a glare.

“Back off,” she said simply. “What in the world makes you think I would willingly go on a date with _you?_ I don’t even know who you are!” She gave him her fiercest look, but her heart pounded in fear. It wasn’t that she was incapable of beating him, but something in the look in his eyes told her that he was much stronger than he let on.

But in response, Hisoka only giggled and brought his hand near his face. He flicked one of his fingers and a card rapidly appeared in his hand from nowhere. Cheadle couldn’t even sense where it had come from, but she could see that it was absolutely covered in some pink _Nen._

“My Hunter License ♠,” Hisoka purred, raising the card and rotating it. Cheadle nodded slowly. It was authentic, and so she scoured her brain for his stats.

“Ah,” she said. “Hisoka Morow. I know now.”

“Impressive,” Hisoka said, hiding his card again. “But, as expected of the chairman of the Hunter’s Association ♠. Now, let me clear some things up here ♣.”

 _About time,_ Cheadle grumbled inwardly. Her sense of fear had lessened, but she remained on alert.

“I usually wouldn’t be wandering around snooping into people’s business, but I noticed that you recently had a phone call,” he began. “Now, you may not know this, but I have a close connection to that person.” Cheadle regarded him with a new appreciation. If Hisoka was associated with Illumi, then he really was a force to be reckoned with. 

“Wait, so you can get him to take me to the dance?” Cheadle exclaimed. Hisoka’s eyebrows rose and his relaxed smile faltered a bit. Wrong thing to say.

“Dance?” he muttered. “I assumed you were asking about his assistance in some battle ♦.”

“Of course not!” Cheadle burst, straightening. “Don’t you think I can handle _myself_ in battle?” She watched in humiliation as Hisoka evaluated her, clicking his tongue in disappointment.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, my dear, but though your mysterious _Nen_ is strong, you are clearly not suited for combat.”

 _“Not suited for –_ I’ll have you know, I beaten and _killed_ more than enough enemies before I joined the Zodiacs!” she snapped. “And I – I don’t have to show my résumé to you!” Hisoka just smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the edges. He was _toying_ with her, and in her vulnerable moments she was _letting_ him.

“Well, I’m sure if Illumi knew that it was a _dance_ you were all worked up over, then I’m sure he would’ve reduced his price,” Hisoka hummed. “But then, I also know he probably wouldn’t have. The Zoldycks have been having a lot of high-profile assignments lately, especially after their little brat ran after my _precious Gon.”_ He pouted and Cheadle’s eyes widened.

“Wait, that’s right,” she whispered. “‘Creepy clown that has a thing for Gon,’ _that’s_ what I wrote down.”

Hisoka’s pout intensified. “How rude.”

“As if it isn’t true,” Cheadle snapped back. Hisoka shrugged. “Wait, so explain, why _did_ you come here? Why is my failed business negotiation with the Zoldyck family something of your business?”

“Hm, in a few hours, you’ll not only be dateless for a dance, but Illumi’s fat little brother will send you an email threatening to reveal your ‘business negotiation' ♦,” Hisoka sighed regretfully. “I’ve come to rescue the damsel in distress.”

Her jaw dropped. “But…wait, they’d really do that?”

Hisoka gave her a nonplussed stare and kept going. “So I propose that we play it like this: you wanted my attention, but I wasn’t having it ♠.”

“Why would I want _your – ”_

“So you called Illumi Zoldyck, trying to make me jealous by going with one of my good friends,” Hisoka continued lightly. Cheadle looked at him, unconvinced. “Oh, we really are friends by the way. _Very good_ friends ♦.”

“Mhm,” she said skeptically. Hisoka moved on.

“Even though you were rejected, I was incredibly jealous that you would go to such lengths and _demanded_ to have you as my date ♣,” Hisoka finished. “Of course, I would fawn all over you and we would be completely in love. They would be none the wiser!”

“What’s in it for you?” Cheadle snapped. “This all sounds fine and dandy for me, but what are you gaining from this?”

“Why, I’m window shopping ♣!” Hisoka laughed. “The strongest Hunters in the world at a Valentine’s Day…dance? Even though I’d prefer a grand battle, it is a masterpiece in its own right ♦.”

Cheadle narrowed her eyes, but said nothing. Hisoka was being amicable now, but she’d be damned if she let a spy in a private event when she herself was the chairman of the Hunter’s Association. Hisoka leveled her stare for a bit before sighing and pulling a card from his ear. No, not a card.

She saw that between his fingers was a photo of… _Illumi Zoldyck naked in bed?!_

“WHAT?” she shrieked, scrambling away. But the image was seared into her eyes. Illumi’s head was on a pillow, his neck and shoulders drenched in sweat, hair matted. His eyes were staring up at the camera with his trademark expression, but it was clear that he was feeling _something_ because there was a bright red flush across the bridge of his nose and the slight indication of an amused smile on his lips.

She sputtered and cast a horrified look at Hisoka.

“That was after he had a two-day break,” Hisoka lamented. “We literally rammed into each other for 48 hours. ‘Stress relief,’ right? I’d found his brother for him and he rewarded me by putting out ♥. Oh, and putting _in~_ ♥.”

Cheadle couldn’t help but shiver in disgust. Hisoka saw this and rolled his eyes.

“Oh, but that was _years_ ago,” he complained. “Two years ago, to be exact ♣. And since then he’s just been so busy, I can’t stand it!” He pouted again, nonchalantly looking at the photo. “But I know that he’ll be raging with jealousy if he knows I’m going to the dance with you. In any case, this scenario is even better ♦! I can show him my sensitive side, the one that isn’t completely about battling tough enemies.”

Cheadle managed to swallow and clear up her dry throat. “The one that doesn’t exist?” she snapped.

Hisoka only grinned and hid the photo. _“Precisely_ ♦.”

*

She’d let him stay in one of the rooms at the Hunter Association while she cleaned up her own mess. After he’d finished organizing his room, he’d come back to help Cheadle with her mess and discuss their method of action.

“You’re going to have to go through a major upgrade ♣,” he said, quirking one of his eyebrows at her dress. Cheadle’s face flushed and she glared at him.

“Well you’re no prize either,” she sniffed. “I wonder what Illumi sees in you. Wait!” She waved her hands frantically as Hisoka reached into his shirt. _“No more photos, I’ve seen too much already!”_

The rest of the work was…actually fun. Cheadle’s paperwork was only minor governmental issues, nothing too compromising. Hisoka often asked her questions and gave insightful tips as they cleaned, and she was surprised to know how astute he was in his observations.

“But what will this faction say if we drop our funding by 3%?” she asked. Hisoka grinned delightedly.

“Who cares what they say? 3% is a fair number, considering that their production has decreased by that much ♣.”

“Oh, you’re merciless,” she huffed, but she had to admit that the gradual decline of spending to the faction left room for them to improve, and despite Hisoka’s ruthless tactics in his Hunter Exam, he was keeping her view in mind. “But thank you. I never expected someone quite so helpful.”

Hisoka laughed. “I never expected someone to open up quite so quickly. It caught me off-guard ♦.”

“No it didn’t,” Cheadle snorted, and Hisoka shrugged. “The only one caught off-guard here is me. From the way you climbed into my tower to the fact that you showed me _that picture.”_

“You deserved it!” Hisoka chuckled. “Well, now, let’s rest. We have a big day tomorrow~ ♦.”

They did. And Cheadle woke up early the next morning because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to decide what she wanted to wear in time. She had a closet full of dresses, but they were basically the same style. She cringed a bit when she moved towards the back of the closet.

Dresses she’d gotten as presents began to pop up here and there. Short dresses, with straps instead of sleeves, still in her signature mint green color. Her mouth pursed as she found shoes and jewelry in dust-caked boxes. Her friends had really tried to get her to go out more, and she’d shoved their presents in the back of her closet. How rude; even _she_ had to admit that.

She found a pendant Pariston had given her. It was over something spiteful, she remembered, but she couldn’t quite recall what it had been. It matched her other dresses, but it didn’t match the look she was going for. Cheadle gave a deep frown. If she was being honest with herself, this was all about Pariston in the first place. The man had always commented on her lack of a date when they gathered for a meeting that happened to fall on Valentine’s Day, and now she was fed up. She didn’t want to prove him right again, especially now that they were going to a party surrounding the holiday. Especially after Pariston left the Zodiacs right after Cheadle became chairman.

So Cheadle squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed the dress right in front of her. The pendant remained clasped in her right hand. Whirling around, she faced the armoire and began to change.

 _This is a one day thing,_ she grumbled to herself, zipping the dress up to find that it was only a tad loose on her. Specifically in the chest area, which was severely lacking. Cheadle put her pendant on and switched her glasses for contacts, but her eyes kept traveling to the little fold her dress made right at the bust. Her lipsticked mouth frowned sourly.

“Let me help with that ♣.”

Cheadle wasn’t startled that time; she’d sensed Hisoka’s _Nen,_ and Hisoka had let her know he was there. His Bungee Gum effortlessly cinched the dress back and stuck it. Cheadle looked at her reflection and smiled slightly. She looked completely out of character, but the dress fit nicely.

“Thank you, His-”

She turned and the entire world slowed. When Cheadle saw Hisoka in his suit and tie, sans makeup, she physically had to clutch at her heart.

“Okay,” she breathed. “No, I refuse to believe you’re the same person as that clown.”

“Why does everyone keep calling me that ♦?” Hisoka complained lightly. He straightened his tie and Cheadle itched to rub her hands on his well-built chest. “Oh, and you clean up nice, too.”

Cheadle had to admit that she’d really pulled herself out of her comfort zone. The mint green dress was still somewhat her style, but showing so much of her shins and shoulders seemed positively _sinful._ She’d left her hair down, but Hisoka clicked his tongue and used some of his Bungee Gum to tie it into a high bun.

“Cute~ ♣,” he’d crooned, and fuck it if Cheadle didn’t turn as red as a strawberry. “Lose that dog muzzle and the look is complete.”

“I’m s-still the chairman of the Hunter’s Association!” Cheadle protested, shivering at the cold on her neck. She was cold _everywhere!_ Now she understood why Cluck, Piyon, and Geru complained so much!

A sigh, and then Hisoka draped his heavy, warm jacket around her shoulders. “The chairman can let loose sometimes. In fact, I’d say it would make you more popular as a chairman ♦.”

“Hm,” Cheadle pondered. “Well, maybe if you cleaned up like this more often, you’d be more popular too ♣.”

Hisoka looked at her in surprise. Cheadle flashed him a grin.

“I pick up on things fast ♣,” she giggled, getting comfortable in the jacket. “And I like clubs.”

“Is that so ♣?” Hisoka murmured, laying his arm across her shoulders. “Then let’s go to the party. I have a feeling we’ll get along just fine.”

* * *

 

“Oh god oh god I can’t do this.”

“Hm,” Hisoka sighed, getting out of the cab. “Well, then I’ll just go in without you ♣.”

Cheadle cursed and got out of the car. Hisoka had insisted that she forego the heels, and she was extremely grateful that he’d intervened. Despite how easy it was for Hisoka to wear heels, Cheadle felt shaky enough in her shiny black flats.

A pair of black dress shoes stepped beside her feet. “You look beautiful ♣,” Hisoka murmured. He leaned close and whispered so softly Cheadle needed to use _Gyo_ to hear him. “They’re watching. Smile and look flattered.”

She swallowed and mustered a smile. She _was_ flattered. A hot guy was telling her she looked beautiful. That was enough to make her weaker in the knees.

Luckily, Hisoka offered her his arm. She took it and shot him a warm smile. Even if he didn’t know it, she was grateful for his company.

The doors opened as they were walking in, and Piyon’s butlers bowed to their knees. “Your invitation.”

Cheadle unclasped her purse with as much composure she could muster and handed them the hologram. The butler pressed a certain spot with his thumb and mini-Piyon appeared again.

“Valid invite!”

“You may enter,” the butlers said simultaneously. They bowed again and stepped away from the heavy, intricately-carved doors. Whatever Piyon’s side-job was, it paid _a lot._

Hisoka gave a low whistle, indicating he felt the same. Cheadle straightened and drew a deep breath. She may look inadequate beside Hisoka the _not_ -clown, but she wasn’t about to give in now that they were through the door.

…Even if everyone was _staring_ at them _why were they STARING?_

“Um, Piyon?” she said hesitantly. Piyon’s glass slipped from her shiny manicured nails and shattered all over the tiles. “Oh damn…”

“Cheadle…” Botobai said, standing. His wife was jittery with excitement.

“You’re beautiful!” she burst, bustling over and touching her bangs. “Oh my! And what arm candy!” She shot a sly look at Hisoka, who only gave her a pleasant smile.

The moment was broken when Leorio’s briefcase sailed through the air towards Hisoka’s face.

_Swipe!_

A single card tore the leather coating and caused Leorio to growl. The case stopped midway and fell to the floor; a testament to Hisoka’s strength. Cheadle’s hand tightened around Hisoka’s arm and he patted her knuckles.

“Not to worry, darling ♣,” he soothed. “Just a little pest control.”

“Get out,” Kurapika snapped. “You’re not welcome here. Cheadle, I thought you knew better than to bring such a dangerous Hunter here.”

 _Okay, not my best idea,_ Cheadle thought frantically, remembering that Kurapika and Leorio had been in the same Hunter Exam as Hisoka. “Um…I…”

“I’m not here to damage any goods, not to worry ♣,” Hisoka laughed, retracting his card using Bungee Gum. He’d left an egregious tear on the leather briefcase, which Cheadle didn’t quite believe was just an accident. “I’m only here to escort my lovely lady here.”

“Stop,” Cheadle laughed on cue. She could practically _feel_ Leorio and Kurapika’s disbelief, but the rest of her coworkers were not as apprehensive.

It was Cluck who started the fanfare. “Oh, Cheadle!” she gushed. “Tell me how you met Mr.…?”

“Hisoka Morow ♦,” Hisoka said with a lilt in his voice. He bowed low at her and everyone. “Pleasure to meet you all. Cheadle, dear, you _must_ tell them how we met.” As a matter of fact, she and Hisoka had planned one of the most foolproof backstories for the event, but Cheadle had cemented every detail into her brain while Hisoka had been dozing off.

“Internet,” she said simply. “I’d heard that someone battled Chrollo Lucifer and almost won –”

“They _what?”_ Kurapika shouted.

“ – before they died,” she finished. She smiled up at Hisoka on cue. They’d practiced this part almost twelve times, so she knew just how warm she needed to keep her smile. “But he came back to life, and that’s what caught my interest.”

Hisoka smirked at Kurapika. “I’ve faced the leader of the Spiders. Does that merit your approval, Father ♣?”

Kurapika’s eyes flashed red. “Definitely not.”

“You were once a Spider,” Leorio added venomously. “And don’t think we’ve forgotten-”

“Let’s not spoil the mood,” Cheadle said suddenly, glaring at both of them. “We can discuss this after the party.” _When I can pretend like this never happened._ “But Piyon set this entire thing up for us, so it’d be a waste to just argue the entire night, right?”

One look told her that Kurapika was anything _but_ convinced, but he wisely kept silent. Leorio looked like he was fit to burst, but one look from Kurapika and he kept silent.

The atmosphere was tense, but thankfully Piyon was great at handling this sort of thing.

“Welp! It’s 7:45, which means the other guests should be arriving in about 15 minutes,” she chirped. “Marmy! Get me a broom; I need to sweep up this mess.” She used her foot to make a loose pile of shattered glass.

Cluck patted Cheadle’s shoulder. “So you saw the news on the internet, and…?”

“Well, as it turns out…” Cheadle began. Hisoka pulled all the shards of glass up with his _Nen_ to help clean up, despite the fact that Kurapika and Leorio were watching him with sharp eyes. Cheadle wove the story in a mumble that made others strain to hear, but she knew that everyone was listening. Even Kurapika and Leorio used their _Gyo_ shamelessly, not even trying to hide it with _In._ Though, Cheadle supposed, they had a right to eavesdrop given their history with Hisoka.

By the time every shard of glass was gathered (which Piyon unapologetically forced Marmy to sweep up), guests started seeping in. Some of them did a double take at Hisoka, but most of them did a double take on _her._ A couple people didn’t even know she was Cheadle Yorkshire, though most recognized her mint-green color preference.

It was when Hisoka’s arm wrapped around her once more that all eyes turned towards them. People whispered in hushed curiosity, and to Cheadle’s dismay, a few of them took photos on their phones.

“Don’t worry, love ♣,” Hisoka reassured. “It’s the first time they’re seeing us tonight. By tomorrow, we’ll be old news.”

He winked at her, and she smiled back.

“You’re a good friend, Hisoka ♣,” she said gratefully. He smiled at her, but it was then that she felt like she’d made a severe mistake. “Um…scratch that…”

 _“What is he doing here?”_ a sharp voice cut through. Hisoka’s yellow eyes slid to the voice, and his smile widened into a grin.

“Why, if it isn’t my two favorite boys ♦!” he said jovially, opening his arms. Cheadle’s eyes widened. Hisoka was rapidly breaking character…!

“Please stay away from us,” Gon groaned from behind a borderline-berserk Killua. An errant current of electricity shot out at Hisoka, but he easily used his Bungee Gum to deflect it to the ground.

“Silly little brother,” he crooned. Cheadle’s eyes widened. _That’s right! Killua was a Zoldyck!_ “Don’t you know that rubber beats electricity ♠?”

“Wait til charged enough, you pervy clown,” Killua snapped.

“Who is this, Nii-chan?” Alluka asked, gripping Killua’s shoulder.

“Who is this, Gon-chan?” Nanika asked, hiding behind Gon.

“Someone who wants to hurt Gon,” Killua muttered, and instantly the girls’ auras rose exponentially. Hisoka’s eyes gleamed in what Cheadle knew was pure, unadulterated _interest._

The entire party stopped mid-motion, and Cheadle lamented her predicament even more.

“Settle down, children~!” Piyon said, flustered. “Mr. Hisoka here is Cheadle’s date! And we don’t want Cheadle to be sad, do we?” The girls looked at Cheadle, who didn’t really have to act fearful when her heart was already beating in terror. Hisoka, thank _god,_ snapped out of his funk and held up his hands.

“I promise, I won’t hurt Gon or Killua ♣,” he said smoothly. “And I won’t scare Ms. Cheadle again.” He offered her a wink of apology, and Cheadle hesitated before smiling back. She knew she could take on Hisoka, but if it came to _protecting_ him from all these Hunters…she was in for a world of hurt.

All the same, she still remembered how he’d looked at his precious photo of Illumi. Whatever reason he was acting as her date right now, it was for his companion. And although he held no loyalty to Cheadle, she knew that there was something more where Illumi Zoldyck was concerned.

“He’s telling the truth,” Kurapika said grudgingly. Hisoka gave him a friendly smile, which he returned with a grimace. “I dowsed him. He’s not lying.”

“I don’t care,” Killua decided. “Gon, we’re leaving.”

“But Killua!” Nanika protested, gripping his arm. “Just give him a pinky promise! That he won’t hurt anyone!”

“Nanika, don’t –”

“Mr. Hisoka!” she said suddenly, sticking out her pinky. “Pinky promise with me!”

Killua paled suddenly. Hisoka raised an eyebrow and looked at him expectantly, but Killua only stared back with a grim frown on his face.

It was Gon who stepped forward and stared at Hisoka directly. “Agree with her demands, Hisoka,” he said sternly. “Because if you don’t, you’ll die.”

“He’ll…what?” Cheadle squeaked, looking at the scary girl whose eyes and mouth had suddenly turned black. Hisoka sighed and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, dear ♣,” he said, amused. “Alright little girl, let’s do it.”

“Kay.” Nanika wrapped her pinky finger around Hisoka’s. “The conditions are that you don’t hurt anyone tonight, okay?” Hisoka nodded and Nanika beamed.

“Pinky promise, hope to die,” they both sang. “Swallow a thousand needles if you lie. Fingers _cut!”_  Nanika giggled and twirled away from Hisoka.

“Okay, now we know he won’t hurt anyone,” she said to Gon. “You’re safe forever, Gon-chan!”

“For tonight ♦,” Hisoka corrected, and all four of them glared at him.

“’M having so many regrets right now,” Cheadle grumbled. Hisoka frowned at her, though it looked more like a pout.

“Now, now,” he soothed. “Let’s enjoy our date! The night is still young!” As if on cue, A loud voice boomed from the surround sound.

“Let’s get this party started everybody!” he cheered, deafening everyone in the room. Cheadle turned to the left wing in shock. A red octopus-thing was wearing a beanie and grinning at all of them obnoxiously. Killua shot him a glare. “Oh, sorry. Lemme turn the volume down…” A harsh screech nearly made Cheadle’s ears bleed, and she rapidly switched to her normal human ears. “Ooh, wrong way.”

“What kind of DJ are you?” Leorio cried.

“Hush your stubbly jaw, human!” Ikalgo snapped.

Leorio gaped at him, and Kurapika muttered “I told you to shave. I _told_ you.”

“Wait, I thought I hired Major Lazer?” Piyon pondered.

Ikalgo wiped some sweat from his brow and fiddled with the discs. “Uh…he couldn’t make it.” Kurapika narrowed his eyes.

“Liar.”

“Got it!” Ikalgo said too loudly. Some faint music began to seep from the speakers.

“This ain’t my grandma’s tea party!” someone shouted from the back. Ikalgo said nothing, but he pushed up a small dial that raised the treble.

_Poetry in your body, you got it in every way…_

The music was slow, but Cheadle felt the buildup, and before she knew it the entire dancefloor was bouncing. Piyon showed an impressive array of gymnastics and dance moves that pulsed with the beat of the music. Kurapika had given up his brooding and was a wild animal on the dance floor. Cheadle peered at his movements and sighed.

“Hisoka,” she said. "Hand me a card.”

Hisoka raised an eyebrow and tossed one at her. At that instant, Kurapika’s chain came sailing right between them and Hisoka’s Bungee Gum stopped it before it could hit one of Piyon’s vases. Hisoka’s mouth parted slightly at her foresight.

“Well,” he said quietly. “It seemed I underestimated you, Ms. Yorkshire.”

“No need to be formal,” Cheadle said dismissively, twirling the card. Her cheeks were flushed, contradicting her words. “I’m borrowing this.”

Hisoka offered an amused smile. “I’ll keep my Bungee Gum on it.”

And before his eyes, Cheadle’s muzzle flickered out and her focus concentrated on her eyes. Hisoka’s eyebrows rose. It was _Ko._

Cheadle was still for only a moment. Then she _moved._

It was some crazy dance that somehow _controlled_ the music. Hisoka’s eyes followed the slow arc of Cheadle’s arm as she used the Bungee Gum to deflect a long form of Killua’s lightning as he lit the dance floor. But he didn’t miss the way her legs twisted Melereon’s tail so that it didn’t trip Palm.

Cheadle’s eyes grew sharper, as did her actions. Every twitch, every breath had its purpose. Hisoka watched, entranced, as she leapt straight into the air and executed a beautiful jump that caught an airborne platter of hors d'oeuvres. Even without her _Nen,_ she managed to land gracefully and keep all the chicken fingers in one plate.

She smiled at her success, and she turned to smirk smugly at Hisoka when someone stepped in her way.

* * *

“Interesting show.”

An intense chill sank down Hisoka’s spine, so cold he couldn’t breathe. But he could _still_ grin, and his eyes could _still_ flicker backwards into the intense stare of his best…”friend.” The needle poking into the back of his neck hurt like hell, but his chest filled with happiness.

“Isn’t she ♥?”

“Shut up.”

Jealousy was a rather common emotion on Illumi, but it was usually directed at his brother. “How petty,” Illumi sneered. “Taking in someone I rejected to get my attention.”

Hisoka smirked. “Perhaps…” he hummed. “Or maybe she caught my attention all on her own ♥.”

Illumi’s eyes flickered to Cheadle and back to Hisoka’s face in the cold, blank likeness of a reptile. “Apparently, you’re not the only one.”

To Hisoka’s credit, he got a glimpse of Cheadle being held captive by a much taller, much more attractive man before Illumi attacked.

His body hit the wall behind him so hard that his makeshift Bungee Gum shield snapped. He glanced down at Illumi’s pale fists on his chest.

“How would you like your face paintings to become scars?” Illumi said lightly, exposing a blue and magenta colored needle in one of his hands. “Everyone says I take after my father, Hisoka. I don’t like it when my things are touched.”

“A brand, hm ♥?” Hisoka laughed breathlessly. His speech was garbage, but Illumi seemed to decipher it just fine. “Darling, if I could, I’d have you tattooed over my whole body.”

Illumi rolled his eyes. “No sweet talk,” he growled. “This party’s over.”

All the needles on Hisoka popped off with a series of clatters. “I don’t think so, love ♥,” he sang, pulling gum off his entire body. He reached behind Illumi’s ear and pulled out the Queen of Hearts. He kissed the card and Illumi’s own lips felt the sweetness oozing from it.

Hisoka wrapped his leg around Illumi’s hip and effectively swung them around. Illumi didn’t even flinch as his back hit the wall.

“The party’s not over until we become Valentines ♥,” he crooned. He leaned in and licked the shell of Illumi’s ear, enjoying the fact that he _didn’t_ shiver. “And neither is the sweet talk ♥.”

* * *

Pariston was _way too close to her face._

Her _Ko_ disappeared and without prompt her muzzle leapt in front of his face. Unfortunately, the smiling bastard didn’t even flinch. But his smile did seem forced, ever so slightly. Cheadle could see that he wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“Well well,” he said amicably. “Looks like even little Cheadle can bring in a date.”

“When did you get here?” she grumbled. “And won’t your date be a little mad that you’re basically…um…”

“Embracing you?” Pariston laughed. Something in his eyes shifted, and his expression became familiar once again. “Don’t worry, pet. Don’t you know that Valentines dates are like little candy hearts?” He shifted her foot and stepped on it firmly. Cheadle tried not to scream, but she could feel the distinct cracking of candy under her flats. Her foot would be bruised tomorrow, especially since Pariston didn’t give her enough time to establish her defense.

“You’re such a dick,” she hissed when he lifted his foot off.

“You know better than to trust me,” he whispered back. His smile grew almost imperceptible. “And you _definitely_ know better than to irritate me.”

“Sorry _Christian Grey,”_ Cheadle snapped. She craned her head around Pariston’s shoulder, and Pariston immediately shifted so that she couldn’t see. But she did, and she froze. Pariston stared down at her sternly, but after a moment, his shoulders slumped in regret.

“…Geru asked me what I would say to you,” Pariston said softly. Cheadle lay stone-still in his arms. “When you figured it out.” She still had the image seared in her eyes. Hisoka with Illumi Zoldyck, kissing, leaving her in the dust. In front of _Pariston,_ the man she did all this _for._

 _“’Figured it out,’”_ Cheadle said flatly, tears gathering in her eyes. “I’m supposed to be a Triple-Star Hunter, and I can’t even find a d-date.”

She struggled weakly, and Pariston let her go.

The dance lights flickered all around her and she just _wasn’t_ in the mood. She held up her card and stretched it to let Hisoka know she noticed. When he pulled away from Illumi, she glared at him in betrayal.

He winked at her and mouthed his response. “We’re such good _friends_ ♣.” She frowned deeply and moved off the dance floor.

“Cheadle,” Pariston said kindly. “Here, have a snack.” He held out a platter of chocolate-covered strawberries, and honestly Cheadle couldn’t think of what she needed more.

“Thank y-”

Her eyes widened and her head jerked towards the dancefloor.

Nanika was watching her. Carefully, with soulless black eyes and a pitch-dark mouth. Her childish voice echoed in Cheadle’s mind. _Fingers cut!_

“Humiliating, isn’t it?” Pariston said with a hint of annoyance. “All this trouble, all this cleaning up, and he’s still just a clown inside. Using you to get his goals and having the gall to call you his _friend.”_

Cheadle clenched her hands and Nanika’s eyes grew blacker, if possible. She looked and felt Hisoka touch his throat in shock. _A thousand needles if you lie._

And with a creeping uneasiness, she turned back to Pariston. He was watching her expectantly, but it was his posture that said it all.

His shoulders were a millimeter higher than usual because of his anger. He was furious, and he was pointedly shielding her from Hisoka even though she knew her farce was discovered.

He was toying with something he hated. And so, Pariston went for the kill.

“Take a strawberry, Cheadle,” he said, his voice warm. “Feel better; you look so _hurt_.”

Cheadle lifted a shaking hand. Hisoka began choking. She could hear Illumi’s frantic worrying as she picked up a big, juicy strawberry. Self-righteousness, anger, and vengeance seeped into her pores. He deserved to suffer, not just for humiliating her in front of Pariston, but for rejecting her olive branch of friendship and playing her for a fool.

She lifted the strawberry off the platter, and dropped it right on Pariston’s dress shoes.

Hisoka coughed, and needles flew out of his lips.

“No,” Cheadle said flatly. “That's what you do to _your_ friends.” She lifted her shoe and slammed it on the ground, creating a loud clatter that had everyone stop what they were doing. “But that’s not what I’m doing to mine.” She turned on her heel and headed straight for Nanika. “I’m fine, I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not,” Nanika said, a tad bummed. “He must swallow a thousand needles.”

Killua nodded, glancing hatefully at Hisoka. “If he doesn’t, he will die. And my brother will die with him.” Illumi saw their little congregation and he appeared in front of Nanika, hair flying every which way.

“What. Is wrong. With him?” he seethed. “You little monster…”

“He pinky promised,” Nanika said dully, as if explaining to a child. “It’s sacred. He said he wouldn’t hurt anyone, but…”

They all turned to Cheadle. Illumi immediately accosted her. He glared, and the entire room grew colder.

But she could feel Pariston’s aura flare in response, and over by her side, Cluck was slowly fluttering in. Botobai stepped forward with a huff, and even Leorio and Kurapika were ready to defend her.

Cheadle stared up defiantly at Illumi, when she saw his hands.

“You,” she said firmly, glancing at the gagging Hisoka. “You can save him.”

The transformation was staggering. Illumi straightened right up and gave her an intense, unblinking stare.

“How?”

She pointed at his fists. “There. Those are hair-thin, right?”

Illumi raised his hands. Everyone leaned in, using _Gyo_ if they were able. Illumi had small hairs on his knuckles, but upon closer inspection, they were tiny needles. Cheadle’s mind worked rapidly. She still had HIsoka’s card in her hand.

Pariston reached out to stop her just as she ducked and rolled away from him.

“Don’t,” she snapped. “Interfere. I’ll deal with you later.”

“No,” Pariston sighed, glaring at her. “I’m trying to help.” He took Illumi’s wrist, carefully avoiding all the needles, and shoved it at her.

Cheadle raised the card and the Bungee Gum collided with Illumi’s hand, keeping it in a vice.

“Release your needles,” she said stoically. “If you want your boyfriend to live.”

She could hear whispers wondering why she was referring to Hisoka as Illumi’s boyfriend instead of her own, but at the moment, she didn’t really care. Illumi had caught onto her plan, and he obediently released his needles.

“How many needles are in here?” Cheadle said. “I know there are less than a thousand, but precisely how much?”

“Eight hundred,” Illumi said.

“Six hundred,” Alluka corrected. She shot a glare at her older brother. “Nanika won’t be deceived. Don’t even try.”

“Nanika,” Pariston said with his warm smile. “Why don’t we take care of this problem ourselves? Hisoka may have hurt her feelings, but as an adult Cheadle wants to deal with the consequences in her own hands.”

“He’ll swallow a thousand needles either way,” Cheadle persisted. “Besides, if he gets hurt, it would only make me feel guilty.”

But Nanika was having none of it. “The rules were simple. If he hurt someone, he has to swallow a thousand needles.”

“But he _will_ be swallowing a thousand needles,” Illumi said, frustrated. “Between whatever you made him swallow and my own needles…”

“Nanika.”

Gon stepped forward, and Nanika stared at him in confusion.

“Gon-chan?” she said hesitantly. “What he did was wrong.”

“That’s true,” Gon said, looking at Cheadle. A brief flash of understanding passed between them. “But he didn’t do something unforgivable.”

Cheadle nodded, and Nanika gave her an intense stare. Cheadle smiled at her. “It’s almost Valentine’s Day, Nanika. Let’s let him be with his Valentine, at least.” Ikalgo had stopped the music, so all that was left was an eerie silence. The night hinged on the judgement of a young girl. Everyone held their breaths.

“Okay.”

Nanika’s shoulders slumped and she stared at the Bungee Gum in Cheadle’s hands. “If you really aren’t too hurt, Ms. Cheadle, then I’ll accept that as payback for the broken promise."

Everyone breathed a sigh of collective relief, but Cheadle wasted no time in constructing a makeshift slingshot from the Bungee Gum, then expertly shooting the wad into Hisoka’s open, choking mouth.

“Water!” Gon cried. Ikalgo wasted no time and leapt off the DJ table. Cheadle fluidly turned to the nearest waiter and took a pitcher of water. Ikalgo landed in her arms and drank the entire pitcher. One of his tentacles morphed into a water gun, Super Soaker status, and Cheadle held the trigger.

“Time for you to swallow your gum, Hisoka ♣,” Cheadle said with a dastardly grin. She pulled the trigger as hard as she could, and shot the gun full force at his face.

It was even more gratifying than seeing him choke. Cheadle felt a sort of serenity as she watched the clown struggle to swallow the huge wad of gum. As soon as he did, however, he straightened and coughed a couple times before clearing his throat and glaring at her.

“Some friend ♣,” he muttered.

“Some friend ♣,” she repeated with a crooked grin.

“Should’ve let him choke,” Pariston lamented. Illumi turned to him with a sort of poison in his eyes.

“That was your intent from the very beginning, wasn’t it?” he sneered, his eyes growing dark. Pariston smiled innocently.

“Don’t fuck with my Valentine,” he said sweetly. “And I won’t fuck with yours.”

And with a wink, he went to go ask Cheadle for a dance.

And by some miracle, she accepted.


End file.
